THE FENCE
By Ned ! Thought I’d seen and heard everything. But in recent days a strange sight on the local scene has convinced me that I’ve neither seen nor “heered” anything in my 79 years on this planet.
News of “The Fence” reached me from several sources, each as reliable and solid as the Rock of Gibraltar. The people who funnel such information to me are honest, hard working, with impeccable integrity at the very highest levels.
All posed the same question as our gabfests began: “Have you seen The Fence?” Completely mystified by their query, I answered with a question: “What fence?”
“Down at yon duck-pond,” came the responses while pointing in the general direction of the waterfowl haven in downtown Narrows. Finally I said: “No, but I’m gonna’ ride down and have a look-see.”
And so I arrived at the Narrows duck-pond to behold a sight both strange and wondrous. There, stretching 150 yards from Dry Branch to Big Willow Tree, construction is underway on an engineering marvel that will surely be called the “Ninth Wonder of The World.”
This story is an account of what I observed during a recent 2 hour visit to the bird sanctuary along the banks of Wolf Creek. I remained seated in my car all the while because of the never-ending flurry of activities there, mainly involving birds of every species native to planet Earth.
Don’t expect a detailed in-depth analysis in this news article; neither time nor space permits such. Rather, a general summation of events as they unfolded while I sat wide-eyed in my car. Stunned, amazed, mesmerized are but a few words to describe my emotions while starring in disbelief at “The Fence.”
But let’s back up a bit to set the scene. A population explosion of bird-life in downtown Narrows has been causing concern for an extended period of time, actually several years. But at last the City Fathers, in their all-encompassing vision and infinite wisdom, have posed a question to themselves: “What can we do to keep the ducks and geese on the Wolf Creek side of route 61?”
The answer came after only 49 days and nights of non-stop pondering: “Let’s build a fence.” Indeed their long and methodical deliberations had paid off handsomely.
And so construction began and continues at this writing. A vast project, involving a work-force numbering into the hundreds and growing every day.
“The Fence.” Made of 2x2 stakes in lieu of posts, driven by hammer to an incredible 8 inch depth before striking a bedrock foundation. A thin strip of plastic 48 inches wide, but a staggering 4 foot elevation when positioned to use as a fence. There! !…that’ll keep them pesky birds in the water and off the Narrows Library lot. Doggone their ornery hides…uh, I mean feathers. Canadian geese have been seen flying at 25,000 feet by airline crews. Just ain’t no way they can fly over a plastic fence rising 4 foot into a rarified atmosphere ! !
A steady stream of farmers and cattlemen arrived at “The Fence” during my 2 hour vigil there. They exited from their manure-splattered pickups, meandered over for a close inspection, stood in silent contemplation at “The Fence,” got back into their manure-splattered trucks and departed.
Those rural citizens headed back to ranch and farms and immediately began tearing down fences that had endured for generations. Many had acted as a bulwark to prevent rampaging bulls from wreaking wholesale mayhem on the human population. A structure capable of detering mad bulls can surely stop birds ! !
Four heavy-duty SUV’s rushed in to grab the parking spaces just vacated by the rural folks with agriculture roots. The distinct markings identified the vehicles…U.S.Border Patrol.
From their interiors emerged 10 uniformed personnel and 6 nattily dressed top executives of the federal organization that AIN”T NEVER DONE NOTHIN’ since it’s formation 125 years ago ! !
Naturally Border Guards and bosses were immediately surrounded by 830 ducks and geese that seemed in a most jovial mood. Those waterfowl, famous for their silliness and stupidity, believed they’d been blessed with another food source. The sudden outburst of honking and quacking could be heard in Pembroke, and was audible too in Oakvale, West Virginia. Quite a clamor !
All the people from Border Patrol, guards and exec’s alike, kept busy 2 hours jotting notes onto tablets and entering data into 6 laptop computers. Their attention was totally focused and riveted on “The Fence.” I thought of moseying over and sneaking a peek at their scribblings, but quickly thought such was not a good idea. Folks, I’ve had a 79 year streak of extremely bad luck. Those Border Patrol people would make the first arrest in their 125 year history and charge me with illegal entry into Narrows ! !
But I knew well the reason why the U.S. Border Patrol had visited Narrows. A little problem, you know ( the nagging variety ), down on our southern border. An authoritative source informs me the Feds liked what they saw in Narrows, and a copycat version will soon stretch from San Diego to New Orleans.
A U.N. delegation, led by the Secretary-General, is scheduled to arrive in Narrows next Monday. I’ve learned this group has rented the entire MacArthur Inn, a luxurious facility owned by Mr. Allan Neely, for a period of 10 days. I opted for a general summation in telling of “The Fence.” It’s apparent the U.N. will stress in-depth analysis and detail when they mosey out to the Narrows duck-pond. The world governing-body has many fences to erect. Some to keep smugglers out…others to prevent carnivorous beasts from feasting on a defenseless human population.
Whoever is responsible for “The Fence” at Narrows duck-pond forgot one matter of paramount importance…a trip to the Patent Office. Our model is evidently the fence all others wish to duplicate. A glaring oversight…and is costing Narrows millions in copyright fees.
The End
M. L. Wilkinson
February 2009
NHS class of 1947
Epilogue
Today, 5,000 years after it’s construction, tourists from all over travel to gaze in awe at the Great Pyramid at Giza. They each and all whisper the same words: “Wonder who really built it…and why?”
Huge numbers don’t think Cheops was the architect. They believe ufonauts from the stars built that strange structure in the sands of Egypt…
Five-thousand years into the future tourists from around the world will flock to Narrows. Joining them will be “little green men” from Mars, and intergalactic beings from distant galaxies. An old hymn says there will be a “Gathering By the River.” But this gathering, in the year 7009 A.D., will be at the duck-pond on Wolf Creek . They’ll congregate there and stare with jaws agape at “The Fence.” In muted voices they will say: “Wonder who built it…and why?”
Perhaps it’s time to consider burying a time-capsule…
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